You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
