I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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