A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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