Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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