It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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