Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You took a bar mat shot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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