The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
