I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We got so high we made milksteak
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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