Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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