maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
