they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
