This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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