Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
