I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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