smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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