I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
