I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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