from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
