I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
