just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
