Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
