If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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