no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have already put on my inside pants.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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