Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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