so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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