you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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