I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
