He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
