I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
