cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
