I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
