dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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