You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Bring me that man meat
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
