She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
