dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
