Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
