mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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