That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
time to smoke my breakfast
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
