I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My feet surprised me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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