Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
