Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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