listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
