Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
