Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
