The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she smelled like a LAN party
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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