I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
