i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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