Christians are straight up FREAKS
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
