Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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