Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you had me at cake vodka
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Randomize
